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2026—06—06T11:24:00+10:00

life

i think its been maybe 3 years since i’ve spoken in my own words outside of an instagram caption. now i prefer to listen more.

but now is a better time than ever to really just sit back and just take in everything. it’s been fucking crazy. my intention is sharing in hope that it’ll guide someone at similar crossroads. thats all i can really do.
i love the idea of paying it forward.
thats what makes the world go on.
still in awe of how things are unravelling. it really is just the beginning.
i really didn’t think i would make it this far.

i used to look at all my cohort getting featured by these big brands for deals and campaigns not in an envious way but almost like a... ‘oh true, i wonder when they are going to ask me’.. kinda way. i fit all the criteria.. so why was i being left out?
i wasn’t too hurt, my ego wouldn’t let me be. but i was familiar with being counted out from early on, kids can be cruel as fuck.

i’m not pitying myself, but saying how things are.
being on the other end i probably would’ve done the same.
this happens to us all one way or another.
what we do with it, is what matters.

that ‘being forgotten’ feeling lasted 10 years.
95% of that decade filled with mistakes, false starts, failures and everything in between. it felt like everything i touched burned like i was incubating some kind of divine curse.
even today i still fuck up, let people i deeply care about down, i hurt people i care about, feel fear, feel not good enough, feel undeserving, anger and every shitty emotion or reaction that slowly eats away at your soul.

this is not some vent session because it is no secret. we all do the same things.

it’s kinda funny, i always thought unluckiness followed me.. now i understand that my luck is near-invisible.. i’ve never been so sure that i am one of the luckiest fucking people on Earth. my luck only shows when it matters most. notably life-and-death.
i wish i was aware of my guardian angel sooner.

3 years ago i was sleeping on the floor of a 2 × 2 room, nothing to my name and starting at square one. the old world i lived in collapsed overnight. i moved homes to save cash and myself. the new room could only fit one: a bed.. or a desk. the last thing i needed was the temptation of bed-rotting while in Hell.. but choosing the desk started a chain reaction that changed everything forever.

at the very beginning of it all, i got called for a 1st time meeting with one of my mentors. only thing is, that specific day was (and is still) one of the worst days i’ve ever lived through. top 5. i usually would’ve bailed for less, but something told me to go.
it felt like fate. i can’t explain it but i know you understand.
because even if every part of me screamed no. that decision to jump head first into uncertainty pushed another domino, and a few more after too.

i felt embarrassed entering fashion design at 24. this led to my first heartbreak at the hands of the institution. my naivety let me assume that they operated fairly and just. if anything, this event gifted me discernment.

during one of our last assignments, we were to pitch to a brand, the best presentation would be selected to undertake a job at our assigned company. after my presentation, one of the designers went right up to me and asked if i would travel every day to X. it was an hour each way. after understanding that this ‘job’ was an underpaid, overworked PA role - no design work at all - i politely declined. i’m not about to go work in some bullshit converted sheep shearer shed that still gets their manufacturing offshore.. whilst claiming Australian Made.. its bullshit morality.. because of my refusal, they denied me of the actual award - even though the judges behaviour it was clear who had won. they stripped it from me because i wouldn’t play ball.

mistrust of the system was something Jackie and I bonded over when we met. i’m forever grateful to have met Jackie, a very important, talented and beautiful soul.

i didn’t know what i wanted out of life. floating around and doing creative shit here and there. never really thought beyond that. the best thing was (and still is) working with friends and finding pure joy through that. making cool shit for fun.
my fondest memory of this time was being in New York, up all night arguing with Scan, Gabby and Sus1er over Facebook messenger about the album. i’d been avoiding them for whatever reason (lol) until the final 12 hours. missing this deadline would burn most of the money that we only just managed to scramble.

NYC summer night sweating in near pitch-black for 10 hours straight, high as fuck, constantly arguing over design placements. we handed in 6AM NYC time.
i remember the peace i felt closing my laptop so clearly. it was bliss. smoking a menthol Newport eyes half closed facing the sunrise. it feels weird to hold memories like that dearer, absurd even, but it feels right, and weirdly comforting.

moments like that hold the most beauty in my eyes. that is what gives me life. not the clout. not the money. not the recognition. its a constant fight to not give in. i’m only human. i’ve seen what it does, even know what it feels like to have it done unto you.
i promised myself i’d always turn the other cheek, no matter what.
this only comes after a lifetime of not doing so.
thinking back on these times, i miss the ease of it. easier to create, easier to express, easier to consume. there is a small pull to reduce everything, kind of burn it all away to return - but its obvious that it’ll never be the same. i think that is what it means to let go. to let go of things that should remain in the past because even if you do manage to return, it’ll never be the same. i’ve been trying to practice being more present. grounded in the current moment.

i think we force things as a measure of control not knowing that the harder we push the more painful it becomes. resistance is not a sign of cohesion. i think the world and our lives would be more enriched if we were more careful about how our actions effect others. 

i’ve had all the money in the world and every material thing i ever wanted. i didn’t realise it wasn’t for me until i got there. when i let go of a project i had given 3 years to.. it broke my heart more than i’ll ever admit. what hurt more than throwing away all that time was the fact that all it was all gone after 1 shitty phone call, with me at fault. that same week i achieved a life goal with one of the greatest living artists alive. but it didn’t feel like it. it didn’t feel bad, nor good. it was just another day.

its like the universe was screaming in my face so clearly. in order to receive new blessings we need to let those old ones go. its funny how 72 hours can have more impact on my life than anything else. shit can really change instantly.

i don’t understand how life works. i don’t really know how a lot of things work. i’ll admit that because in order to be truly free you need to remove all anchors. i’m afraid of what that means but deep down i know. i felt that the most on my last jail call to an old best friend. that was 3 years ago. despite all this.. i would give it all away. i’m blessed and eternally grateful for what i have but life seemed so much more peaceful when the only pressure was whether or not what we were doing was fun. 

i think a major lesson is being able to know when something has taken its course. accepting something with grace is important for the soul. when we cling on, it only hurts everyone - it is ultimately selfish.

at the end of 2025, while directing my first live show i realised the narrative i was building around the show perfectly paralleled one (or so i believed) the exact feelings i need to purge as catharsis. it aligned perfectly. a great journey from the lowest plane of existence, the underworld, toward enlightenment, the highest. from the core of the earth to the heavens. a story of transformation, remembering what is important, pure selflessness through unconditional love. i think subconsciously, the story was used to purge the burden of grief accumulated over 2025. one of my favourite sequences was the ending - essentially a visual enactment of breaching the atmosphere of earth, looking over the world and then being pushed into temporary darkness, to eventually be consumed by the sun.

symbolically, i used this (only to me) as a way to say my final goodbye to the most important person in my life. the night of the show fell on the exact year anniversary since her passing. as the images of the earth played over the LED and the crowd was washed over in yellow light.. it felt like being baptised by light.. i was allowing myself to finally let go. if anything, let go of the certainty in my life. it was the hardest thing i had ever done. one thing i’ve done since childhood is to control the uncontrollable. like, if i thought hard enough i would be able to change something.
it never worked hey.
i remember just sitting away from the rest of the artist compound in Perth. i needed a moment to take everything in. just silent. the only way i can describe it.. it felt like my soul had been ripped from my physical body. a weird spiritual nakedness. ironically enough, she never got to see me enjoy the fruits of my labour, even after spending my entire life telling me to make something of myself. it seems like a tragedy but i think i can laugh at the irony now. it’s weird how the universe works, but i wouldn’t want it any other way.

one of the most genuinely kind things that has ever been said to me was from my mentor E:

“it takes greatness to know when greatness is in front of you”

this was early on in our work, and it kind of hit me out of nowhere. E had no reason to say that nor wanted anything. it came from a pure place. E also taught me the idea of pure intentions making note that it was one of the things that made me stand out. i didn’t understand what it meant at the time, but i think i do now.
i now hate fake compliments.

i am paid to think and paid to create. i don’t think when i speak because i don’t strategise raw human voice. i am dense but also i am understand deeply. the contradiction would be funnier if it doesn’t cause a lot of conflict and misinterpretation. But i think that is the joke. Like how the people that say they love us are the ones that hurt us the most. 

i guess also, the point of all this is to show that even in the most unlikely of places, or circumstance something great can be born. even though i’m speaking on some seemingly tragic shit, i don’t see it as that at all. it’s pain. everything is and can be pain. we don’t have to hold on to pain that we left behind. what held me back was using that pain as fuel. pain can start the engine, but running off it too long can destroy you from the inside. all consuming. i hate when what i’m actually saying isn’t heard. i’m comfortable speaking on crazy shit because it is what i know. i know when you have never felt a true low. i don’t know what I don’t know. and that is ok.

it sounds like i am complaining, but i am not. this is just the reality. the reality that is attainable for anyone, and everyone. but what you should ask yourself is this:
what are you willing to sacrifice? are you ready to sacrifice everything?
i think you already know the answer.

despite the words, i am happy. truly and deeply. the result of all events has given me a new perspective on life. they were right when they said that love is the highest frequency. in ways life is the same. there is just more of it. the lows are lower, and the highs higher. the limits have just been modified. it is overwhelming soul-crushing, but beautiful at the same time. being human means living in contradiction. because that is where we exist most comfortably.

it truly is a beautiful life.

in 10 years i’ve only ever come across ONE person who has taken the time to understand what i’m actually trying to say. 
is it strange to say that put 10 more years on my expected lifespan? 
someone i least expected, let alone someone with the time + awareness of me to do so. but it happened.. i think thats a fucking miracle. 
you can feel when something is genuine and comes from a place of pure love.
no motive or intention except unconditional love. 
to be real, probably only 5 people will ever read this. i don’t mind. if even 1 person benefits from this, i feel like my work is done.

i feel like i’ve been shown miracles my whole life but only now am i able to see them fully. 

oh, one more thing of importance.

Virgil changed my life in NYC. even after he died.. his mission of inspiring 5 more ‘Virgils’ was the spark. that started it all, even if it was an excruciatingly slow process. now everything is on fire and i love it. that was the first gallery i went to alone. i stopped being scared there and took ownership over my destiny. 

i feel like everything i’ve said can really be condensed into the classic Virgil quote:

“You can do it too…”